Book Review: How to Hug a Porcupine

“How one can Hug a Porcupine: Simple Methods to Love the Troublesome Individuals in Your Life” is stuffed with sensible suggestions for coping with prickly opponents, purchasers and colleagues.

A colleague lately reached out on a listserv to ask if anybody had any expertise with somebody designated as a “vexatious litigant.” I hadn’t, however the phrase “vexatious litigant”  struck a nerve. 

A big a part of the rationale I’m now not a full-time training lawyer is vexatious opponents, colleagues and purchasers. If solely I’d learn the e book “How one can Hug a Porcupine: Simple Methods to Love the Troublesome Individuals in Your Life,” I’d nonetheless be training regulation full-time.

Properly, OK, I wouldn’t be, however I may need lasted a bit longer.

Recognizing Porcupines within the Wild and at Work

“How To Hug a Porcupine” gives a sensible information for recognizing and coping with “porcupines” — the prickly individuals who are likely to infect and harm these round them. Within the e book, we be taught that human porcupines, like their animal namesakes, reveal themselves when they’re threatened; as a substitute of quills, they puff themselves out with their phrases and deeds. As soon as they turn into defensive, they’ll use any means to scare off perceived adversaries.

Figuring out porcupines has by no means actually been a difficulty for me. Through the years, I’ve recognized opponents, purchasers and even colleagues who had been all the time itching for a struggle. Few had been refined.

As a primary line of protection, “How To Hug a Porcupine” advises simply strolling away.

That may be a technique I’ve typically employed at work and in actual life. I not often engaged with purchasers who rubbed me the fallacious approach or who questioned the whole lot I did. I simply took it. Subscribing to the idea that “the client is all the time proper,” I held my tongue and typically even apologized for the perceived fallacious and promised to make it proper. After they had been proper I, in fact, apologized (sincerely) and did make it proper.

Final yr, after greater than 35 years of training regulation, my craw was full. I made a decision I couldn’t take any extra and now not wished to characterize folks. Had I learn “How To Hug a Porcupine” earlier than then, I may not have come to that conclusion as quickly as I did. 

On the very least, my craw wouldn’t have been as full, and maybe my abdomen wouldn’t have been as knotted as typically. 

The e book additionally tells us to keep away from porcupine strangers. 

Upon reflection I did a reasonably good job of that. I had sufficient porcupines I couldn’t keep away from at work and at house — together with opponents, purchasers, sure colleagues, and my kids from the ages of about 3 to about 17 (they’ve, for the document, each became fantastic adults.) So I used to be sensible sufficient to not go in search of extra porcupines. Moreover, I’m fairly positive I obtained extra free dry cleansing over time by not screaming on the store proprietor when a shirt was destroyed than I’d have if I had come unglued. (For youthful readers, a dry cleaner is a spot to which your mother and father would carry fancy work garments that they didn’t wish to wash or iron themselves).

After all, most regulation places of work are stuffed with unavoidable porcupines. 

Sensible Suggestions for Dealing With Porcupines at Work

In case you can’t keep away from them, “How To Hug a Porcupine” is stuffed with sensible, workable suggestions for coping with prickly folks. The perfect a part of the entire hints and methods is that they continue to be inside the non- porcupine’s management. For instance, in the event you can’t get away from porcupines, method them with care — keep away till they relax or till you’re totally ready. This definitely applies within the apply of regulation. Once I know I must discuss with a very vexing opponent, I be sure that to over-prepare so I can stand my floor with out operating into his quills. 

As a common rule, I attempt to be overprepared anyway, nevertheless it is available in additional helpful when coping with an opponent on hearth.

Of all of the hints within the e book, the one most significant to me was the suggestion that you just assault a porcupine with kindness. Within the context of negotiations in my apply, I all the time attempt to construct in some victories for my opponent by together with objects that I do know I’m not essentially entitled to or that I used to be keen to surrender. The bonus is two-fold as a result of, within the worst case, my opponent felt like he had gained one thing, however I nonetheless obtained what I wished. In the very best case, I obtained one thing that I wasn’t essentially relying on along with what I actually wished.

If I attempt one other case as a part-time lawyer, “How To Hug a Porcupine” will likely be in my briefcase proper subsequent to my guidelines and mini Guidelines of Proof. It is stuffed with beautiful, sensible hints and reminders that definitely would have helped once I was training full-time. I believe it’ll assist me as a less-than-full-time training lawyer as effectively.

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