One morning final summer season, I went to scrub up within the dorm’s neighborhood sink space shared by near 130 males.
As I began to brush my enamel, I observed a brand new mirror above one of many eight sinks. In contrast to the opposite seven rusted, metallic reflectors within the room, this mirror was fabricated from glass. And as an alternative of manufacturing a carnival funhouse reflection of me, this correct mirror produced a transparent picture of myself gazing again with shock.
I had no thought the place this mirror had come from or who had introduced it into the sink space. I assumed: How lengthy will it’s earlier than this magnificent trying glass will get shattered, or simply unmounted and carried away?
I additionally questioned how lengthy it had been since I noticed myself undistorted. I knew it should have been a long time in the past, earlier than I got here to jail. I’m at present at William E. Donaldson Correctional Facility, and each jail or jail I’ve been to in Alabama has used the identical cloudy mirrors.
I leaned nearer to get a greater have a look at myself. The mirror — concerning the dimension of a giant cookie sheet — revealed that traces had been etched deep into my face from the 26 years of serving laborious time for a homicide cost. The youthful guys right here prefer to harmlessly joke about my grey beard. I at all times shoot again that it’s “platinum,” which amuses them. However this was the primary time I noticed what they noticed. Within the clear mirror, I favored my platinum mustache and beard.
In jail, to outlive, we regularly adapt to irregular situations, together with seeing distorted variations of ourselves. After I completed my morning routine, I thought of whether or not there have been any documented psychological results of us not seeing ourselves for lengthy durations of time. I requested a relative to assist me with analysis.
My member of the family returned info that backed up my hunch. Via visiting Cleveland Clinic and Mayo Clinic’s web sites, they discovered of Depersonalization-Derealization Dysfunction, or DDD, a psychological situation the place individuals expertise persistent, disturbing emotions of being indifferent from themselves or their environment.
DDD signs embody persistent anxiousness, melancholy, the concern of shedding contact with actuality, feeling such as you’re residing in a dream, or watching your life from outdoors of your physique. I instantly acknowledged a few traits in myself, particularly the concern of shedding contact with actuality and anxiousness.
Analysis has proven that there are advantages to seeing ourselves within the mirror. For instance, it might probably assist us to have a look at ourselves extra kindly, in accordance with Dr. Tara Properly, an affiliate professor of psychology at Barnard Faculty of Columbia College. Mirrors present “a solution to externalize what’s occurring in our minds — so we are able to check out [ourselves] from a distinct perspective and see how our personal ideas are affecting us,” Properly wrote in a Psychology In the present day article.
Given what I’d discovered, I made a decision to ask a number of individuals within the dorm about mirrors.
D.L. Singleton, a 53-year-old man from Montgomery, agreed {that a} typical jail mirror just isn’t a lot assist. “It is sort of a polished piece of tin the place you’ll be able to solely see a distorted view of your face,” he mentioned. “It makes it not possible to see particulars.”
Austin Bonner, 29, from Sylacauga, added that jail mirrors are boring and hazy.
“It is like attempting to see your self within the backside of a Coke can,” he mentioned.
Or, as 75-year-old Grady Bankhead of Cellular chimed in: These mirrors, for grooming functions, are as efficient as “attempting to shave utilizing an outdated hubcap.”
Bankhead mentioned he has skilled detachment points, or bother connecting with others, whereas in jail. He mentioned he had solely seen himself by metallic mirrors throughout his 39 years of incarceration earlier than the glass one arrived.
“I assumed I seemed worse than I really did,” Bankhead mentioned of his clear picture within the new mirror.
Main Duvall Anderson, 46, from Birmingham, mentioned he thinks a part of the rationale distorted mirrors are utilized in prisons is to present us a damaging view of ourselves. “It’s all calculated; they use psychology on us,” Anderson mentioned. “When you’ll be able to’t see your self, you’ll at all times assume you’re trying alright when you find yourself actually not. We have to see our faces.”
Safety issues are the official purpose from the state jail system for why we don’t have actual mirrors. However jail weapons are fabricated from quite a lot of issues: toothbrushes, fence items, mattress items, razors and something metallic, together with the traditional funhouse mirrors which can be allowed. But all of these items are already used within the jail system.
To be truthful, the canteen, or jail common retailer, additionally sells small, private mirrors. However I purchased one some time again and immediately needed my a reimbursement. They’re higher than the metallic mirrors, however nonetheless produce distorted pictures.
Changing only one distorted mirror has positively affected greater than 100 males. Every morning, males wait their flip to look within the mirror. Some even present up shirtless to see clearly what the opposite mirrors cannot present them.
Anderson mentioned he used to have morning melancholy, however seeing his reflection early within the day has lifted his spirits. Singleton mentioned the actual mirror has helped him make correct changes to his appears, boosted his vanity and self-awareness, and even made his days go smoother.
“The mirror made me conscious I must work out extra,” he mentioned.
We’ve nonetheless not discovered the place the mirror got here from, however I’d slightly have the thriller than pry an excessive amount of and have it taken away. Every man I talked to mentioned they’d like much more mirrors like this. It will be nice if all of the distorted mirrors have been changed, so we are able to see ourselves extra clearly.
“Anytime you’ll be able to have one thing that makes you OK with your self,” Bankhead mentioned, “it helps you be OK with others.”
As I replicate on the primary morning when the mirror appeared, I can’t assist however really feel cheated by not seeing myself for greater than 20 years. I’m wondering why the jail system deprives individuals of such a traditional prevalence. I’m wondering in the event that they know concerning the potential psychological well being issues that come from extended distortion. And in the event that they don’t know, why not?
Destry McKinney is a grandfather, veteran, ministry elder, self-taught audiovisual producer, songwriter and poet. He’s the founder and co-founder of a number of applications, together with the Sonship Workshop, Youth Connection and S.A.V.E.D; and he’s a contributing author for the Jail Journalism Undertaking. Hear extra of Destry’s story within the true crime podcast “Aggravating Circumstances.”
The Alabama Division of Corrections didn’t reply to fact-checking questions by manufacturing time.
