By the time I used to be 24 years previous, my life was in full shambles. I had long-standing substance abuse issues that destroyed my marriage to my highschool sweetheart and ruined a promising army profession. As soon as divorced and ejected from the army, I offered medicine and trafficked weapons. My dependancy and unlawful enterprise culminated in an incident through which an harmless bystander was killed. I used to be convicted of second-degree homicide and sentenced to only beneath 30 years to life.
As soon as in jail, actuality was so arduous to face that I did all the pieces I might to flee it. I misplaced much more of myself in medicine, violence and jailhouse politics. In my extra lucid moments I knew that I needed to change, however I didn’t assume it was potential. Moreover, I did not know the way to begin. Then sooner or later, at age 30, I did essentially the most benign-seeming factor that modified all the pieces: I stop ingesting soda.
I wasn’t notably well being acutely aware, however I had learn some articles about how soda can contribute to well being points like diabetes and weight problems, and the way it can weaken tooth enamel. One article mentioned that if a tooth is positioned in a glass of cola in a single day, it would utterly dissolve by morning. That’s an city delusion, however it did make me consider a trick I had realized within the Military, which was to pour a can of Coke within the laundry to assist take away grease from clothes.
So I made a decision I wasn’t going to drink soda anymore. It was a comparatively straightforward dedication to make in jail: I might solely purchase soda as soon as each two weeks after I went to the commissary, and ingesting it chilly was a rarity since ice was arduous to come back by.
Nonetheless, it felt good to make the choice to deprive myself of one thing and keep it up. This was the primary time in my life that I had made that sort of change, and it illuminated one thing I had solely vaguely been conscious of — {that a} main supply of my life’s issues was my lack of self-discipline.
That was a fact I had by no means acknowledged earlier than, as a result of to take action would have meant admitting weak spot. My ego wouldn’t enable for that. Quitting soda introduced the issue into clear focus and gave me the boldness to attempt to do extra.
And I did do extra. I dedicated to lifting weights three days per week. Then 4. Then 5. The rise in my bodily energy and the modifications I used to be seeing in my physique additional stoked my confidence and motivated me to maintain going. So I realized to talk satisfactory Spanish, field and play chess. I taught myself to litigate by studying case regulation, follow aids and regulation journals and dealing on folks’s instances. My newfound self-discipline even helped me stop smoking after which medicine.
Together with my behavioral modifications got here modifications in the way in which I thought of issues, and the way in which I felt about myself. If persona is outlined as an individual’s sample of considering, feeling and behaving, then I succeeded in altering mine.
Years later, in a psychology class, I got here throughout a concept of persona change primarily based on the work of psychology professor and researcher Nathan W. Hudson. It posited that an individual can change their persona in three steps. First, they have to imagine that altering a facet of their persona is each fascinating and potential. Second, they have to work on altering behaviors which might be related to that side, utilizing small, actionable targets. Third, their behavioral modifications should turn into habits that calcify into traits.
I wasn’t interested by psychology after I began my means of transformation. Nonetheless, my expertise lined up with what I later realized. Quitting soda was my the first step. That straightforward act allowed me to hint the catastrophic outcomes of my life again to my lack of self-discipline, and it satisfied me that change was potential.
Step two was to make extra behavioral modifications associated to self self-discipline, like lifting weights and studying to play chess. By selecting comparatively minor modifications at first, and implementing them incrementally, they have been straightforward for me to maintain.
This led to step three: My new behaviors changing into habits, and people habits elevating my degree of self-discipline. This elevation allowed me to sort out extra important behavioral modifications like quitting smoking and medicines.
After years of repeating this three-step cycle, I can say that I’ve altered my persona. I’m now probably the most disciplined folks I do know. Because of this, I’ve had many optimistic developments in my life.
I earned an affiliate diploma, graduating on the prime of my class. I’m presently on observe to do the identical whereas incomes my bachelor’s diploma. I used to be chosen to talk to state legislators and the lieutenant governor about increasing school in prisons. I obtained paralegal certification, and I work within the regulation library serving to others train their rights in court docket. I educate the authorized analysis class and tutor different school college students. I counsel highschool college students as a part of the Youth Help Program. And I married essentially the most excellent lady on the planet.
On the floor, this story could look like considered one of triumph. In actuality, nonetheless, it’s considered one of bitter irony. Solely after inflicting a lot struggling was I capable of make the modifications that would have prevented that violence and tragedy within the first place. However the worst of what’s executed can’t be undone. I can by no means make up for the previous, however I can attempt to offset it as a lot as potential by being the perfect individual I can going ahead. I’m getting higher on a regular basis, and I owe all of it to quitting soda.
Eric Williams is a regulation clerk, author, trainer and advocate at Shawangunk Correctional Facility in New York. In 2024, he was chosen by the State College of New York as an envoy for the growth of upper training in jail. He’s serving 30 years to life for second-degree homicide and associated expenses.
